Oh boy...

I have recently come up with these 3 rules for drinking:

1. For every 2 glasses of liquor, drink 1 glass water.

2. If ever you start feeling tipsy, counter every glass of liquor with a glass of water.

3. If you forget the number of glasses of liquor you've had, drink only water.

*Motivation: You can shower off the vomit, but never the shame. YIKES!

A Lesson Learned

sometimes

...i'm just tired of not feeling good enough...blech!

time goes by...

i was totally reminiscing today about how quickly time has come and gone...my brother is seventeen (still hard for me to believe), my girlies have grown-up and gone to college as well as my little guy cousins, but i guess they're not so little anymore...

so many things have changed, and curiously haven't changed beyond my realm of understanding...i'm a lot more grown up than i thought i'd ever be, then again, i did get a head start...i believe i have an old soul, one sometimes i wish i didn't have, but it's what makes me who i am...i am finally understanding that in life we're simply living.  we're never in control of the things that we think we're in control of, we can't change most things that happen, we just are.  yes, it's nice if we could change everything we didn't like, but then how we would adapt, grow, or change ourselves.  why stress over the things that are beyond us?  do we wish circumstances were better, that maybe if we had more money, friends, clothes, (insert your desire here), would it really be all that better?  maybe a little bit easier, but that's a very if-y maybe.  i interact with some people everyday that always wish they had more...right now, in this space and time, i'm just glad to have enough. 

think about it, everything is a priviledge, nothing is guaranteed...enjoy what you can when you can, 'cause nothing lasts forever (at least not in this life)...

*prose before hos

Only Dexter Knows

Spoken Word
Often heard from a people who struggle
I am not oppressed suppressed or distressed
My soul simply manifests
Through spirit led journeys of seamless thought, melded against an endless sheet of paper called life
Twisted and torn, I am reborn with each passing second, minute and day
A growth perpetuated by fear, by joy, by strength
I do NOT suffer
I know the separation between emotion and faith, undefined by smile or tear
I know what carries me when weak, pushes me along when I am drunk with passion
I am fastened to You

So, it's been rough a year since my last entry, and I thought a new year might be the perfect time to start all over, even if it is on Xanga (does anyone read these anymore).  So spiritually, I have restarted.  I must admit that the past year hasn't been the best in accordance to prayer and faithfulness, but the new year has brought about a very positive change, actually the very last part of 2006 was quite enlightening for me. Last summer, I came to the realization that God did not intend for me to become a teacher, which sucked quite a bit considering I had planned on becoming a teacher nearly 16 years ago.  So the possibilities are endless, but which door is the ONE meant for me, where am I supposed to go from here? 

Well, this past weekend, I  served EXERT and it was great to see all these old-school-YFCers again, to serve side-by-side.  So I got to thinking over the weekend how it all felt like home: music ministry and service.  I had prayed long and hard about EXERT as we were preparing for it, and yes for the service team and participants, but more so, for the fact that I would not get trapped into thinking that serving YFC was the only way to express my love for God.  For so long before, I saw YFC as my prayer-time, my entire relationship with God was based on this.  So when I left, I was quite lost. 

But the thing is, I was lost without a purpose.  Then in a discussion I had briefly over the weekend left me thinking about the days when I was all hyped to become a missionary.  Mark even mentioned s fulltime position open in Europe.  Is this the door Lord?  I graduate in May, and having no clue about what to do with my life, is that what You wanted  ?  To reignite in me this awareness that my purpose in life is to constantly be serving You?  I'm very scared, being a broke college student, I don't have much saved, so if I do go off into the world, if that's what He really wants, I will literally have nothing  .

The saga continues...